An Act of Love: Adoption Stories

Editor’s Note- This is the first in a three-part series of stories on this topic.

Every child needs love, support, and a safe place to call home. Everyday, many children are welcomed into new homes via adoption. November is a special month for families impacted by adoption. This year, Governor Kristi Noem proclaimed November 2022 as Adoption Awareness Month in South Dakota. As the month wraps up, the Marshall County Journal wanted to share the stories of a few local families whose lives have been changed by the gift of adoption.

The Amachers are one of those families. Gabrielle (Brie) and Drew Amacher are parents to 18-month-old Maya. Maya is a precocious toddler who loves playing with her dolls, feeding the dog and dancing. Her parents feel so blessed to have her in their lives as they reflect back on the journey that brought her to them.

Drew is a Britton native and graduated from Britton-Hecla in 2005 while Brie hails from right down the road in Groton, graduating from Groton Area in 2009. After college, she spent a few years in West Africa in the Peace Corps before moving to Britton to teach elementary special education.

Even before Brie and Drew married in 2017, they already began talking about adoption. Brie knew she was not able to have children herself, so adoption was something she had always been interested in. Drew too embraced the idea. “Before meeting Brie, I had not really ever thought about it, but it wasn’t a hard decision once we began talking about it,” he said .

After the couple was married, they were in their hearts committed to moving towards adoption to grow their family. However, they could not pursue that route immediately. “Some adoption agencies encourage or even require you to be married for three years before you start the process,” explained Brie.

The Amachers soon started exploring adoption agencies in South Dakota. They explained that agencies are the connecting piece between hopeful adoptive parents and children. They also work with women in need who are considering adoption.

“There are not a ton of agencies, but there are several,” said Brie. They eventually decided to go with All About U Adoptions, an agency based out of Sioux Falls that serves several states. The agency also functions to prepare parents for adoption, which includes a mountain of paperwork and an indepth process called a homestudy. For their homestudy, the Amachers completed background checks, fingerprinting, medical checks, and forty hours of training. There was also an in-person home visit. After finishing the homestudy in the summer of 2020, a next important step is building your profile, which Brie explained is essentially a photo book, that presents the adoptive family to the birth family. Birth parents will look at the profile to get to know the family.

The next part is the waiting and matching phases. According to All About U Adoptions, the agency the Amachers used, “Once a birth parent has made an adoption plan, [the adoptive parents] will be presented with a summary of her current situation. If [they] choose to be considered by this birth parent, [their] profile will be presented to her.” She will then choose among many profiles a family that she believes is the right fit for her child.

Initially, the next steps of the adoption progressed quickly for the Amachers. In August of 2020, they were soon presented with a birth mother’s situation. Brie explained that things do not always happen this quickly, but they can, especially when you’re open to transracial adoption. The couple soon accepted the first situation, and the birth mom selected them. They were over the moon. They met with the birth mom soon after. The baby they would adopt would be born around Christmas. Brie was excited to even attend doctor’s appointments with the mom.

Then the situation changed. Not long before the baby was due, the mother decided to parent, which stopped the adoption from proceeding. Naturally, the Amachers were devastated. “We had told a lot of people about the adoption so telling everyone about the change of plans was really tough,” said Drew.

“It was very painful, and there was definitely a grieving process for sure,” added Brie. After that, the Amachers said they briefly took a pause and afterwards were more choosy when it came to prospective matches.

A few months later, they found a situation they were happy with and were successfully matched with a birth mom. “This time, things went much faster,” notes Brie. “We were matched in March of 2021. We met with the birth mom in April and the baby was set to be born in May.”

On May 23, baby Maya was born. The Amachers were ecstatic but added that it was definitely a stressful time, especially since it was in the midst of COVID when hospital access was restricted. Still, both Brie and Drew were able to be in the delivery room during the birth. Afterwards, they were excited to be able to surprise their families and friends with the thrilling news since they had been quieter about this match.

Over the next weeks, the Amachers slid into the role of parents. They said the bonding process with baby Maya was easy. Over the first few weeks of the baby’s life, they at first were the only ones to feed and change her, which is a recommended part of the bonding process for adoptive parents.

As they were enjoying baby Maya, the legalities of the adoption were still playing out. To proceed with finalizing the adoption, the birth parents must appear in court to revoke parental rights. There are also post-placement home visits. The baby must also be six months old before the adoption can be completed.

Last December, the Amachers went to court and finished up the legal side. Baby Maya’s name was changed, and the family connection grew even more.

Now, almost a year after that last step, the Amachers are enjoying every moment with their busy little toddler. They are thankful everyday to have Maya in their family even as they acknowledge the challenges that come with adoption.

“There is a certain vulnerability that comes with opening your heart to adoption,” stressed Brie. “There is the loss of privacy throughout the process, not to mention, the possibility of difficult moments, like we experienced. Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it can also be painful.”

They also realize that the path even years from now might not be easy for their family. “Maya was a newborn when we got her, but that doesn’t mean she won’t experience trauma later on,” said Brie. They added that they wish there were more resources and support in South Dakota and especially rural areas for adoptive families. “There’s not a lot we have access to besides the annual gettogether our agency does.”

As the Amachers look to the future, they look forward to all the firsts and happy days ahead of them with Maya. They plan on always being open with their daughter about her background and adoption. “We certainly don’t want to erase her past,” they said.

And during Adoption Awareness Month, the Amachers also want to remind people not to forget the birth families. “Giving a child in adoption is an act of love, but that doesn’t mean those women and those families don’t experience a lifetime of grief as well,” said Brie. “If you are planning to be involved in adoption, we’d just say go in with your eyes and hearts open.”

As Maya and her parents look forward to spending another Christmas together, they count themselves as blessed. “This is how it was meant to be,” Brie and Drew emphasized. “We were meant to be her parents.”

Check back in next week’s Journal for the story of the Koop family welcoming children into their home through the foster system and often adoption.