Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22
If you went to church this past weekend, you may have heard some variation of this Gospel reading. It presented a message that I think about quite often and have been wanting to write about for a while. If you are a churchgoer, you have probably heard this story more than a few times. If it has been a minute since you read this particular part of Matthew, here is the gist.
Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him, and Jesus responds that forgiveness should not have a set limit. Jesus then tells the parable of the unforgiving servant. A servant is forgiven a huge debt that he could never repay, but he then refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him. When the master finds out, he is angry because the servant received mercy but refused to show that same mercy to someone else.
When I hear this Gospel reading, I always think, come on, Jesus. Are you serious? How am I supposed to forgive someone seven times, let alone 70 times seven? Who can even do that? Of course, like many things Christ puts in front of us, this one is a challenge. As Father Ken in Eden pointed out during his homily this past Sunday, forgiving someone can sure be hard. It can be difficult because sometimes you have to confront the person and talk things out, and most of us do not exactly love those uncomfortable conversations.
Now, I feel like I live a pretty cushy existence to the point where I am not dealing with having to forgive somebody 70 times. But even forgiving someone once can be a trial. What I often think about, though, is what happens if we do not forgive, forget, try to heal and move on. That is the part that really gets me.
We all probably know people, or have people in our lives, who have held on to or are holding on to major hurts, grudges and vendettas that are driving a wedge into their relationships with others. The number of people who can casually cut others off, especially family members, really astounds me these days. I have seen this firsthand in my own life. People no longer talking to those closest to them because of what are probably very real struggles and concerns. But at the end of the day, are they really worth it? Is holding on to that pain and anger and cutting somebody completely out of your life making you feel better? Is it giving you more peace? Sometimes, maybe. But in general, I doubt it.
Are there some things that are nearly impossible to forgive and forget? Of course. As Father Ken pointed out, you cannot let people walk all over you, treat you poorly again and again and expect a different result. At the same time, we humans are capable of forgiving some pretty big things. Father told a story about a family whose two children were killed by a driver under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Later, the parents of the deceased children forgave the driver and essentially adopted her as their own child. I am not sure I would ever be able to do anything like that, but some people’s ability to forgive and move on is pretty remarkable.
If people are able to forgive something like that, I think the rest of us can probably manage to forgive some of the more mundane slights that may have been committed against us. Maybe we can let go of the grudge over the hurt feelings, the argument, the thing somebody said that rubbed us the wrong way or whatever it is we have been carrying around.
So get out there and start forgiving your neighbors, family and friends. And if you get toward the number 70 on your forgiveness frenzy, let me know and I will give you a big high five ... or maybe seventy times seven high fives.
